The Source...

I’ve been struggling. Pushing through the feeling of going through the motions of my life. Watching myself move through life at a short distance outside myself. It’s at times I feel this way, I make a conscious effort to return to the source. Return to the source of why I’ve made certain decisions, and why I’ve taken certain paths in my life. The source of what makes me, me, and what brought me to where I am in my life. Returning to my source, or sources, helps clear some of the static away, and reminds me of the things I love in life.

One source for me is the ocean. Being near the ocean, sitting on a beach somewhere on the coast can always remind me of who I am, and what I need. It’s the feeling of something much larger out there, and how small I am in the world that brings comfort. The push and pull of ocean waves remind me that I can always start over. Plus, the ocean has always been there for me since I was a little girl.

Remembering my artistic beginnings is a huge source for me. Early years of making marks on a surface, the excitement of a blank piece of paper and a pencil in the art portion of class, the relief I felt expressing myself this way from the beginning. Seeing Vincent Van Gogh’s work and learning about his life, has always been a source for me. The classes I took at Sac State, and the teachers who’s words still resonate decades later.

Writing in 2026...

Books are a big source for me. A love of books and the written word have been a constant in my life. A nice browse in a bookstore can really bring me back from a dissociative existential crisis rut. Books have saved my life on many occasions. Being near books is important to my well-being.

Also, writing prose, or even this blog, is a source for me. Writing has always been the other half of my art, along with painting. I've written in journals since I could hold a pen, and painted since I could hold a brush.

Tapping into the source of what makes me, me is vital to knowing myself, remebering myself, and feeling connected to something in this big, wild world.

That's all.

XO,

Michelle